Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"
"What did Moses command you?" he replied.
They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."
"It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. "But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Dear Amy: My dearest friend who I thought had been tolerably married for more than ten years confided in me that she has met her soul mate. Like her, her soul mate has two children younger than ten and is married. They have gone to great lengths to create a world where their love can flourish in secrecy, while they plan to maintain their respective family units until their youngest children are off to college. Her husband has been a good friend to me all these years, and while he is an equal partner in the marriage’s ups and downs, he hardly deserves this. Must I watch my friend’s husband continue to struggle to “save” his marriage, which is already doomed? Must I watch my friend compromise her soul? We have been friends for thirty years. I am torn. Part of me is happy for her but I am also disgusted with her deceit. I have not slept for weeks. Desperately Seeking Peace
Dear Desperate: The math indicates these soul mates want to keep this up for another ten years for the “sake of the children”. No matter how perfect they think their perfect world of awesome love is this is going to explode human shrapnel over all of you. The only thing I know for sure is friends tell each other the truth.
We have our limits and limitations. We make promises, and with all good intentions we plan to stay together forever. But people deceive, people disappoint, people get bored or distant or trapped or estranged or sick or depressed. Shrapnel happens. We don’t marry with the expectation that we will one day divorce. Nobody I know plans on divorce. But, we have our limits. Promises are broken for lots of reasons. Not just marriage promises but obligations to our children, covenant with Christians, ordination vows, baptismal promises, work contracts, even our promises to God.
When the Pharisees ask him if divorce is Ok, Jesus responds, “It is because of your hardness of heart”. Jesus knows we’re more promisebreakers than promisekeepers.
In a world of constant change it seems increasingly difficult to keep our promises.
Lutheran Partners has a recent article on church families’ keeping faith promises. Raising children in the 21st century has become increasingly complex. The choices parents and kids face have grown exponentially. Parents face pressure to involve their children in as many opportunities as humanly possible. Two hurdles that families face are time and technology. Kids today experience instant gratification for most of their needs and wants. Their lives are in constant motion. When they are not in school, they are at activities, when they are being shuffled between practices they are multi-tasking- texting, emailing, watching DVD’s. Many families are exhausted from coping day to day with the impact of the economic crisis, child care, aging parents, time management, educational pursuits, health issues, etc. Plus add the pressure of keeping the schedule, keeping the budget, keeping all the plates spinning, keeping faith promises while keeping your sanity.
Here in America we want our families to be emotionally healthy and experientially happy and fulfilled. Yet, it’s normal for our families to be dysfunctional and fractured. In search of the harmony of Sesame Street and we get the havoc of The Simpsons.
The same is true of church families. We may pray, even expect peace and prosperity. But, sooner or later church life looks and sounds more like The Jerry Springer Show.
In Mark’s Gospel, Jesus is tackling the topic of marriage and divorce. Then he turns quickly to the imperative to welcome children. Indeed, we must imitate their faith.
Today I want us to hear the promises and possibilities that Jesus offers us. God is the one from the very beginning WHO makes union, communion, and togetherness part of God’s world. God is the one who brings individuals into community. That is how we got the church. God brought us with our distinct personalities, diverse politics, different faith histories, unique talents, and exclusive failures to Vinland.
As the baptized we confess we are human beings who have limits upon our love. We have limits upon our ability to stay with other people, to keep our promises, and to keep our lives bound to others. But, let us realize that we are here because of Jesus and Jesus does not have limitations. Even as we have broken our promises to God and to each other, we worship God who has the resources and determination to forgive us. Our promises are broken. Our relationships are broken. We are broken.
But, by grace we are saved. On the cross, God completed the work of salvation. Hebrews says, “It makes good sense that the God who got everything started and keeps everything going now completes the work by making the Salvation Pioneer (Jesus) perfect through suffering as leads all these people to glory. Since the One who saves and those who are saved have a common origin, Jesus doesn’t hesitate to treat them as family.” Hebrews is kind of liturgically and metaphysically out there but the bottom line is in Christ we have new life. We’re called to be Jesus’ family: baptized, bossy and brazen, saints and sinners, fumbling and forgiven, welcoming and wild.
You see, it is Jesus’ promises that keep us and give us grace to keep our promises.
The movie, “The Soloist” dramatizes a successful friendship. Jamie Foxx is a classically-trained musician, Nathaniel, who suffers from schitzophrenia. He survives in tunnels and freeways in Los Angeles. He is homeless but never at home because music is the only shelter he requires. Robert Downey, Jr. is Steven Lopez, a newspaper reporter who does a series on the homeless in the city. He discovers Nathaniel playing his cello as the traffic roars by. He approaches Nathaniel with caution and curiosity. He finds that his new friend is not dangerous but he is not sane either. At first, Steve tries to resolve and repair his mentally ill friend until he gets big-time pushback. He tells Nathaniel’s case manager, “I thought I was going to help. I tried to help. He turned on me. I resign.” Who responds, “Be his friend and show up. Witness his courage. You’re not going to cure Nathaniel or fix LA?”
What makes the movie so moving is how candid and tough relationships are in real life. Caring for a troubled person is complex. Jamie Foxx plays the part of cagey and crazy Nathaniel so well and then in the end there is an explosion of rage. Yet, Robert Downey Jr. is street-savvy but susceptible to what Nathaniel has to teach him. Witnessing Nathaniel at the LA Philharmonic, Steven remarks, “Nathaniel goes to a place I have never been. He’s elevated. He’s transported. He loves the music the way I have never loved.” The story shows we’re all wounded and in need.
There are times when I want to resign from church. I thought I was going to help.
I confess when I was first ordained I was trying too hard of fix the church or the people of the church. God spoke through someone, “Be with these people, show up and witness their courage. The surprise among God’s people is you never know who, when, and where God is going to grace us; children in our midst, those who struggle with mental illness, and struggles when we’re forced to let go, surrender control.
Christine Bartholomew writes, “Is it OK to divorce a church family? People who have been in the church know people leave for a host of reasons. They leave because of fights with church members or the pastor or the worship style. They leave because of hurts they cannot overcome or forget. They say, “I’m not getting spiritually fed here anymore which sounds a lot like the old break-up line, ‘Its not you, it’s me”. People break up with church every day. But, when they leave, they don’t leave the problem behind. As a pastor, I’d say sometimes it is healthy and appropriate when a family or person moves on to another congregation. But, there is grief and loss involved every time. The reality is we bicker and bless, hurt and help, laugh and share loss. We keep promises. We break promises. Especially in times of adversity and change, let us be faithful to each other. There is a reason these people are in your life. There is a love that stretches from this world to the next.
By the way, this is our annual stewardship month. Yes, we are sneaking up on you.
The leadership is asking you to prayerfully consider your commitment to Vinland. This is not just financial. Today we have been dealing with the promises we keep. My point, in case you missed it, is that the promises we make and try to keep are made in light of promises of God that keep us; forgiveness of sins, belonging to God’s family, giving the Holy Spirit, and gift of eternal life. Over the next three weeks we will talk specifically about the vitality of weekly worship, extending the invitation to experience God’s family here at Vinland, and responding to God’s material generosity to us. On All Saints’ Sunday, November 1st, SPAM is coming. That is Saints Promise and Mingle. We have one uniting service with the opportunity if you like to make or remake promises in times I will commit to worship, people in my network of relationships I will invite to Vinland, my financial pledge to the congregation. After worship we will be tailgating with brats and saints. I promise.
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